Jet Fuel Formula Episode 17: Two for the Ripsaw or Goodbye, Mr. Chips/Transcript
Narrator: 'Well, it's been a rough canoe trip for Rocky and Bullwinkle, and it looks even rougher ahead, for in the fog, they sailed right into... '''Rocky: '''Hokey smoke! A sawmill! '''Bullwinkle: '''Hang on, Rocky! '''Narrator: '''And as our heroes sat petrified, the whirling saw blade cut their frail craft right in two. Fortunately, they were on opposite sides of the boat and escaped unscathed. But they were immediately seized by the sawmill machinery and became part of a soapbox assembly line. '''Bullwinkle: '''Hey! Let me out! You can't do this to me! '''Chauncey: '''You know, Edward, I could swear them boxes was talking. '''Edward: '''Now, look, Chauncey, boxes is made out of wood and nails, right? '''Chauncey: '''Right. '''Edward: '''Wood and nails cannot talk, right? '''Chauncey: '''Right. '''Edward: '''Ergo, a soapbox cannot talk, right? '''Chauncey: '''Right. '''Edward: '''Okay. '''Chauncey: '''Okay, now explain it to ''him. (Chauncey refers to Bullwinkle as we pan to Rocky and Bullwinkle) '''Rocky: '''Hey, Bullwinkle, look at the address on the crate. '''Bullwinkle: ''(reading) "To: Congressman Droopleton Bunn, Washington, D.C." '''Narrator: '''Yes, fortunately for our heroes, an election was coming up for Congressman Bunn, and he had ordered a shipment of soapboxes to make speeches from. ''(Rocky and Bullwinkle arrive in Congressman Bunn's office) Rocky: 'Hi, Congressman! '''Congressman Bunn: '''Great green gravy! It's the missing scientists! And you're back in one piece! '''Bullwinkle: '''You were expecting maybe installments? '''Narrator: '''Meanwhile, a short distance away, a familiar canoe was shooting down the Potomac. '''Boris: '''Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! ''(Natasha collapses from total exhaustion) 'Boris: '''Natasha, you poor little thing! You must be tired! Here, take megaphone. It's finally my turn to paddle. '''Natasha: '''About time, too. Stroke! ''(Boris and Natasha's canoe crashes on land) '''Boris: '''What do you know? We're here! '''Natasha: '''Boris, you said you'd paddle halfway! '''Boris: '''I did, I did! It's just your half was bigger than my half! You lucky kid. '''Narrator: '''And the two spies made their way to a lonely dock where a solitary figure gazed out over the ocean. '''Boris: '''Ah, Captain Plopoff. When leaves next submarine? '''Captain Plopoff: You didn't hear? Submarine is kaput. Boris: 'Well, that's show biz. You got orders from Central Control? '''Captain Plopoff: '''You bet. They send these. '''Natasha: '''What are they? '''Captain Plopoff: '''Water wings. One of us must swim back. '''Boris and Natasha: '''Swim?! '''Natasha: '''But who? '''Boris: '''Well, let's do things fair with square. We'll draw straws for it. Long straw gets to swim. Okay? Okay. I'll take first one. Oooh, is short! Natasha? '''Natasha: '''Also short. ''(Captain Plopoff draws the longest straw) '''Boris: '''Well, looks like you're it, Captain! Have nice trip! '''Narrator: '''And the unlucky captain started on his 3,000-mile swim. '''Natasha: '''Boris, dollink, weren't you afraid you'd lose? '''Boris: ''(laughs) Not as long as I have telescoping straw! ''(Boris's takes his "straw" and extends it to show her) Natasha: '''Well, so let's buy boat ticket and go back home. '''Boris: ''Buy ticket and go back home?! Natasha, where is your pride? Your professional integri-tity? We ''steal ''tickets and go back home. '''Narrator: '''Meanwhile, our heroes returned to their laboratory in something less than triumph. '''Bullwinkle: '''Do you really think people are mad at us for losing the mooseberry bush, Rock? '''Rocky: '''Listen. ''(A crowd is seen protesting outside and booing Rocky and Bullwinkle) 'Crowd: '''Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! '''Bullwinkle: '''Sounds like feeding time at the zoo. '''Protester: '''There's one of them! ''(Objects are thrown at Rocky and Bullwinkle, who are forced to duck) 'Rocky: '''Look out, Bullwinkle! '''Bullwinkle: '''Boy, they give us everything but another chanced. What are we gonna do? '''Rocky: '''We've just gotta think hard, Bullwinkle. '''Bullwinkle: '''Oh, there must be an easier way than that. '''Narrator: '''And while our boys pondered their problem, the two spies, in another part of the city, were all set to get their return boat tickets from the Transocean Travel Agency. ''(an object is thrown at the glass breaking it. Boris grabs the tickets and runs back to Natasha) 'Natasha: '''That was quick, dollink. '''Boris: '''Of course. I always do business with Transocean. Come on. '''Narrator: '''And the two spies hurried toward New York City where a huge liner was getting ready to sail. ''(a huge liner in New York City toots as it gets ready to depart) 'Narrator: '''Don't miss our next exciting episode: ''"Farewell, My Ugly" or "Knots to You."